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By Ven. Dr. K Sri Dhammananda

The word ‘love’ is used to cover a very wide range of emotions human beings experience. Emphasis on the base animal lust of one sex for another has much debased the concept of a feeling of amity towards another being. According to Buddhism, there are many types of emotions, all of which come under the general term ‘love’ First of all, there is selfish love and there is selfless love. One has selfish love when one is concerned only with the satisfaction to be derived for oneself without any consideration for the partner’s needs or feelings. Jealousy is usually a symptom of selfish love. Selfless love, on the other hand, is felt when one person surrenders his whole being for the good of another _parents feel such love for their children. Usually human beings feel a mixture of both selfless and selfish love in their relationships with each other. For example, while parents make enormous sacrifices for their children, they usually expect something in return.

Another kind of love, but closely related to the above, is brotherly love or the love between friends. In a sense, this kind of love can also be considered selfish because the love is limited to particular people and does not encompass others. In another category we have sexual love, where partners are drawn towards each other through physical attraction. It is the kind that is most exploited by modern entertainment and it can cover anything from uncomplicated teenage infatuations to the most complex of relationships between adults.
On a scale far higher than these, is Universal Love or Metta. This all-embracing love is the great virtue expressed by the Buddha. Lord Buddha, for example, renounce His kingdom, family and pleasures so that He could strive to find a way to release mankind from an existence of suffering. In order to gain His Enlightenment, he had to struggle for many countless lives. A lesser being would have been disheartened, but not the Buddha-elect. It is for this He is called ‘The Compassionate One’. The Buddha’s boundless love extended not only to human beings but all living creatures. It was not emotional or selfish, but a love without frontiers, without discrimination. Unlike the other kinds of love, Universal love can never end in disappointment or frustration because it expects no reward. It creates more happiness and satisfaction. One who cultivates universal love will also cultivate sympathetic joy and equanimity and he will then have attained to the sublime state.

In this book, The Buddha’s Ancient Path Ven. Piyadassi says:

‘Love is an active force. Every act of the loving one is done with the stainless mind to help, to succor, to cheer, to make the paths of others easier, smoother and more adapted to the conquest of sorrow, the winning of the highest bliss.

‘The way to develop love is through thinking out the evils of hate, and the advantages of non-hate; through thinking out according to actuality, according to karma, that really there is none to hate, that hate is a foolish way of feeling which breeds more and more darkness, that obstructs right understanding. Hate restricts; love release. Hatred strangles; love enfranchises. Hatred brings remorse; love brings peace. Hatred agitates; love quietens, stills, calms. Hatred divides; love unites. Hatred hardens; love softens. Hatred hinders; love helps. And thus through a correct study and appreciation of the effects of hatred and the benefits of love, should one develop love.’

In Metta Sutta, the Buddha has expounded the nature of love in Buddhism. ‘Just as a mother would protect her only child even at the risk of her own life, even so, let him cultivate a boundless heart towards all beings. Let his thoughts of boundless love pervade the whole world, above, below and across without any obstruction, without any hatred, without any enmity.’

As long as there is love inside your heart,
happiness is just around the corner.

~Unkown

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By Ven. Dr. K Sri Dhammananda

Remember there are four kinds of happiness:

1. Happiness of Possession – In owning your own property, house, land, business, bank account.

2. Happiness of Enjoyment – Using what you have earned (which) you can enjoy good food, nice house, (comfortable clothing)  without abusing, bluffing and cheating others.

3. Happiness of Debtlessness – Try best not to borrow from others. By spending within your own means, you gain self respect.

4. Happiness of Blamelessness – Try to lead life without bringing harm to anyone.

(You must constantly cultivate) these four kinds of happiness. (Never) be lazy, do some (productive) work, do not neglect what you have earned. Maintain and protect what you have earned.

Later on, you can then decide upon adopting a Buddhist way of life, right up to becoming an Arahant. (But first, you have to) know how to adjust your way of life and how to associate with others. Who are (these others)?

Associate with good people, not harmful, wicked people. Support your father and mother and look after your wife and children. Don’t neglect relatives, help them (when needful). Develop your mind to the extent that you are not shaken by the eight winds of change – praise and blame, fame and shame, gain and loss, pleasure and pain and treat all the same. (If you do this well) at this stage nothing will affect you.

All meetings end in partings,
That which rises must fall,
That which is collected will be dispersed,
Birth ends with death

Edited by Ang Choo Hong

When craving and attachment is completely removed,
the mind is then completely pure. Remember,
this body is not life. It is just a house built
by energy and the four cosmic elements.

 By Ven. Dr. K Sri Dhammananda

So many frogs and fishes in this beautiful lotus pond, next to the Japanese Pagoda, in the forest.
Very peaceful too. I was there with the children for four hours, playing with water and the lotus flowers. No one wanted to get out of the pond.

Love is moment-to-moment mindfulness where communication becomes a spiritual transaction.
And when love fails to be mindful, falling again and again? Love takes a breath. Stops. Opens up rather than closes down. Listens and forgives. Love grows deeper through all the trials and errors. Forgiving grace in action, instead of bolting the other way.

Source: Rebelle Society

Falling in love is the easy, but staying in love is the dedication. Past relationships and patterns, fundamental differences in beliefs, perspectives, and thoughts on ways of living and navigating the world can all take their toll on a relationship.

Building a solid foundation weaved in vibrant colors of magic, combined with the day-to-day routine, requires both work and maturity.

Are you ready to find Magic in the threads of love?

Along with the regular necessary ingredients such as love, intimacy, trust and commitment, there are 5 key elements to creating and sustaining a loving and lasting relationship.

1. Growth

Does your current relationship support and encourage growth? Do you move mountains with your dreams like you move the furniture in your apartment? Similar to dream building, by simply changing the angle of your sofa, you change the view.

Encouraging one another to grow as individuals gives new perspective. It creates trust, excitement and possibility.

Does your partner encourage and support your dreams, travel plans and visions, or instead, instill fear while stomping on them like they are pesky and annoying insects? Do they remind you or try to make you forget?

Do they gently nudge or are they too absent-minded and settled into their own routine and monotony?
Do you want to be someone’s habit or the foundation to their Tower of Pisa?

To achieve our higher purpose, our goals and our dreams alone is an accomplishment, but to achieve it together is conquering the world in its truest form. With true love, we can achieve twice as much and be as doubly potent.

Choose someone who not only supports your growth but also encourages it enough to let your genius shine through.

2. Shine

Do you shine in the presence of your lover? Do you radiate warmth and light? Do you feel loved to the extent you become love? When we are in a relationship with a shining star, we too become part of the galaxy, naturally lighting up the universe with our love.

More importantly, how does being with this person make you feel? Insecure, threatened, guilty, unhappy? Or vibrant, brilliant and illuminated?

It is not what is said, but our feelings that indicate the state of our relationship. If we feel anxious, unsettled and blackened in the presence of another more than we feel exuberant, excited, and optimistic, then it may be time to reevaluate. Perhaps your reevaluation is long overdue.

Choose and Be that someone who helps bring out the Shine in others. Do not compare and contrast, instead shine forth the best qualities in you and in others.

3. Security

We all want to feel safe. The feeling of being wrapped loosely in a tender blanket of love is a secure way to surrender. Safe, warm, and homey, like hot tea sweetened with honey.

Playing games with one’s mind or heart is not love, it is damaging and sadistic. Instead, choose truth, love and availability. Choose the home rather than the dream vacation. There is beautiful contentment in comfort, yet comfort is undervalued. Comfort is not complacent.

Comfort is surrendering to the safety of a loving and caring mature relationship.

Unsafe and insecure relationships can cause irreversible damage. Watch for the signs in a partner; withdrawn, distant, cruel, absent, insecure, jealous, thoughts of ownership, threats or anger.

Build a safe home. Include tenderness, intimacy, kindness, presence, authenticity, gentleness, play-fullness, responsibility, commitment, fun and a ton of laughter.

4. Acceptance

Nothing is more beautiful than being truly seen for who you are. To have our days of vulnerability, rawness, ugly, cynicism, pessimism, inquisition, and fear accepted unconditionally is a gift, a rare gift. And when it is given out of love, show mad appreciation. One day the gift will need to be reciprocated.

That is true love. The even exchange and flow of natural reciprocity.  No points are tallied.

Acceptance in a loving relationship builds a greater foundation and a warmer, more welcoming home.
Do you want to spend countless hours, days and years continually trying to justify who you are and what you feel? Or would it not be better to slide into your lover’s arms and be able to read each other like you are lines in a favorite novel becoming so intuitive to one another’s quirks and needs.

Give up your expectations and settle in to find someone you love just the way they are. Let them be them and you be you.

5. Laughter

Laughter is healing and soul-opening, especially in times of difficulty, even just a smile makes the world feel and look better. How often do you smile and laugh in the presence of your lover?

Choose love that is traced in laughter. Embrace the fragility of life with a smile. We all have stress in our work, finances and families but few of us can welcome it with laughter. Choose to lighten up and create a home that others want to be a part of. Open the drapes, let in the light, soak it up and smile.

I would rather live a short life filled with laughter than a long life filled with tears of sadness. Even better, while holding a hand.

Source: Rebelle Society