How to Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You

Loving someone who doesn’t love you is one of the most hopeless feelings in the world because it isn’t something you can control. Then again, this is exactly why you need to start the healing process: it’s not your fault, there’s nothing you could have done differently, and the only thing left to do is move on. For help with this, read on.

1. Be honest with yourself. How and why you feel about another says a lot about you. How and why the other person feels about us says a lot about them. It is important to let it sink in deeply that the person being loved does not love back. It hurts. Feel it. Allow yourself to grieve. You do not have to know why. Grieving is the beginning of the healing process.

2. Focus on the negative. No, really. Being in love makes you so starry-eyed that you’ll overlook just about anything from tiny annoyances to huge character flaws. Though you don’t need to start a crusade to turn the person you care about into a monster, it’s time to start thinking of some bad things to balance out the good ones. Whether this person had a tendency to interrupt people, dress badly, be rude to wait staff, listen to horrible music, show up late all the time, disrespect your belief system, or have clammy hands, anything is fair game.

-Write it all down. Make the list as long as you can, then dredge up as many memories as you can for each one. Doing this will help kill your idealized vision of the person.

-Accept the negative. Accept the fact that this person will never love you back. Too hurtful? The better. The more you internalize this fact and hard wire it into your system, it allows you to remove any false hope that's within you, making it easier for you to stop loving this person.

3. Get rid of mementos. Been hanging on to a note, a teddy bear, a series of emails and IMs, or a long-since-mummified rose? Make space for a new person in your life by letting these things go. In fact, make a mini ceremony for it. As you go through each item, think of the memory associated with it, then imagine putting that memory in a balloon. As you get rid of the thing, imagine the balloon drifting away never to be seen again.

-If you have physical objects that are in good shape, consider donating them to a thrift store or the Salvation Army. Imagine the all the happy new memories that oversized sweatshirt / teddy bear / CD will make for its new owner, and then let these new associations symbolize the transformation you’re undergoing in your own life.

4. Avoid memory-triggers. If you associate the person with a particular song or album, stop listening. If you always used to hang out in a certain spot, stop going. If you have a lot of mutual friends, make a point of hanging out with other people. If you still see each other regularly, stop if at all possible. (This may be difficult at work or school, but you can start by wearing headphones when they’re around, eating lunch somewhere else, walking along new routes, etc.) Don’t surround yourself with mental and emotional reminders; it’s no substitute for having the real thing and will just delay the healing.

5. Find creative ways to stop dwelling on the person. While it’s impossible to not think about something, it is possible to divert your thoughts elsewhere whenever you start to go down that rabbit hole. Every time those memories bubble up, distract yourself with another thought, activity, or project. Call a friend. Pick up a real page-turner of a book. Watch a hilarious movie. Build something. Work in the garden. Do math. Find anything that will engage you for long enough to get the person off your mind for a while. The more of a habit you make of not thinking about the person, the easier it will become.

-Stop saying: 1) I cannot live without them; 2) I cannot stop loving them; 3) I love this person more than any other; 4) I cannot love anyone else; 5) There is no one better than this person; 6) They are perfect. If you have ever loved before, you know that these beliefs will change with time.

6. Step outside your comfort zone. Studies show that doing something new, such as going on vacation or even taking a different route to work, is one of the absolute best ways to you to break old habits and replace them with new ones. (In fact, this is so well documented that some big box stores try to identify and target pregnant women because they’re at a critical transition point in life… and are therefore great candidates for developing new shopping habits![1]) If you can’t afford to do this in a big way, make little, everyday changes. Visit a new part of town. Try a new hangout on Saturday night. Get into a new band. Learn a new hobby. The possibilities are endless.

7.Think of everything you’ve been missing. How long have you been in love with this person now? Months? Years? And in that time, how many opportunities for other relationships do you think you have passed up? Remember, the next love of your life is out there right now wondering when they’ll find you. Don’t waste another moment being unavailable.

8. Get back in the game. Put yourself out there, meet new people, flirt, and remind yourself how great it feels to be a catch. Your confidence surely needs the boost – and in the meantime, you’ll meet interesting new people. In fact, every time someone is better in some way than the person you’ve been chasing – better looking, funnier, smarter, more down to earth – make note of it. It’ll put things into perspective.

-Be very careful with rebounding. While sometimes a rebound is just what the doctor ordered, it only works when a) you’re emotionally ready for it, b) you’re honest with yourself about the fact that it’s a rebound, and c) you’re honest with the other person about the fact that it’s a rebound. Don’t make this new person feel as miserably in love with you as you are with the person you’re trying to get over.

9. Don’t be ashamed of having loved and lost. In some cases, it can be impossible to stop loving someone, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Loving another person is a beautiful, selfless act, even if it doesn’t result in a relationship. With time, the hurt will lessen, you will become interested in someone else, and you’ll create new love. If there’s anything the world needs more of, it’s that.

10. Keep looking for another person. It's good option to keep looking for another person of your match. Sometimes it may take time but you don't know when fortune takes your turn.

Edited by Rattana CHEY, Sarah Eliza, Julia Maureen, Lillian May and 63 others
Source: wikiHow

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