By Ven. Dr K. Sri Dhammananda Nayaka Maha Thera
Human nature being what it is, all of us are inclined to put the blame on others for our own shortcomings or misfortunes. Do you ever give a thought for a moment that you yourself can be responsible for your own problems? Your sorrows and miseries are not caused by a family curse that is handed down from one generation to the next. Nor are they caused by the original sin of some ancestor who has returned from beyond the grave to haunt you. Nor are your sorrow and miseries created by a god or by a devil. Your sorrow is caused by yourself. Your sorrow is your own making. You are your own liberator.
You must learn to shoulder the responsibilities of your life and to admit your own weakness without blaming or disturbing others. Remember the old saying :
“The uncultured man always blames others; the semi cultured man blames himself and the fully-cultured man blames neither.”
As a cultured being, you must learn to solve your own problems without blaming others. If each person would try to correct himself, there would not be any trouble in this world. But many people do not make any effort to realize that they themselves are responsible for many misfortunes that befall them. They prefer to find scapegoats.They look outside themselves for the source of their troubles because they are reluctant to admit their own weaknesses.
Man’s mind is given to so much self-deceit that he does not want to admit his own weakness. He will try to find some excuse to justify his action and to create an illusion that he is blameless. If a man really wants to be free, he must have the courage to admit his own weakness.
The Buddha says: “Easily seen are others’ faults; hard indeed it is to see one’s own fault.”
You must develop the courage to admit when you have fallen victim to your weakness. You must admit when you are in the wrong. Do not follow the uncultured who always blames others. Do not use other people as your scapegoat – this is most despicable. Remember that you may fool some of the people some of the time, but not all the people all of the time.
The Buddha says: “The fool who does not admit he is a fool, is a real fool. And the fool who admits he is a fool is wise to that extent.”
Admit your own weakness. Do not blame others. You must realize that you are responsible for the miseries and the difficulties that come to you. You must understand that your way of thinking also creates the conditions that give rise to your difficulties. You must appreciate that at all times, you are responsible for whatever comes to you.
“It is not that something is wrong with the world, but something is wrong with us.”
You Are responsible For Your Relationship With Others
Remember that whatever happens to you cannot feel hurt if you know how to keep a balanced mind. You are hurt only by the mental attitude that you adopt towards yourself and towards others. If you show a loving attitude towards others, you will receive a loving attitude in return. If you show hatred, you will undoubtedly never receive love in return. An angry man breathes out poison and he hurts himself more than others. Anyone who is wise not to be angered by anger will not be hurt. Remember that no one can hurt you unless you allow others to hurt you. Of another person blames or scolds you, but you follow the Dhamma (truth), then that Dhamma will protect you from unjust attacks.
The Buddha says: “Whoever harms a harmless person, one pure and guiltless, upon that very fool the evil recoils like fine dust thrown against the wind.”
If you allow others to fulfill their wishes in hurting you, you are responsible.
Blame Not Others – Accept Responsible