1. Relationships in the absence of attachment

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    by 17th Karmapa

    The wish to pull in or push away what we perceive around us is a big force in our relationships. Rather than relaxing and appreciating the other person, we engage in a constant struggle to get what we want from them, and to avoid getting what we do not want. For that reason, in order to build healthy relationships we need to deal with our attachment as well as our aversion.

    It might be useful to start by looking at our assumptions about attachment and also about non attachment. Conventional wisdom leads many people to question whether or not relationships are even possible without attachment. I have heard people say that if there were no attachment, they would have no close relationships. People try to induce attachment in others as a basis for starting a relationship with them. They wield a attachment like a hook, trying to pull people towards them and literally get them hooked.

    If you find it hard to imagine how a warm and healthy relationship could exist in the absence of attachment, this indicates confusion between being detached and being free of attachment. Detachment is very different from non attachment. Detachment suggests an unfeeling indifference. By contrast, when there is an absence of attachment, healthy feelings have ample room to blossom. This is because attachment causes you to be totally consumed by something or someone.

     

  2. Boxing Love With Our Expectations

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    Love can have this vast, all-encompassing quality. It can be allowed to spread until it permeates the very core of our relationships. Yet often, instead of giving love room to expand, we box it in with our expectations. Expectations make our love conditional on whether or not the relationship fulfills our wishes. How can you expect love to last when you demand that it meet your conditions, and you act as if you own another person? ~ 17th Karmapa

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  3. Through the most tormentful of storms

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    The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.  

    ~Pandora Poikilos

  4. The art of meeting halfway in relationships

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    We must maintain reserve in our relationships until the coming to meet is mutual.  Maintaining “reserve” is the correct action (or nonaction) during turbulence and communication breakdown

    Coming to meet halfway is possible only between people who are mutually honest and sincere in their way of life.  It is the great joy of such relationships that they are full of mutual trust and sensitivity

    When a person returns to the path of “responding correctly” (being open and receptive) we likewise go to meet him (or her) halfway, rather than tell him he is doing things correctly. In this way he comes to relating correctly from his own need to relate correctly and we do not force it on him.  Our consistence and discipline in feeling out each moment and responding to it does the work. Source: artrosengarten

     


Live & Die for Buddhism

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Maha Ghosananda

Maha Ghosananda

Supreme Patriarch of Cambodian Buddhism (5/23/1913 - 3/12/07). Forever in my heart...

Problems we face today

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Of the many problems we face today, some are natural calamities and must be accepted and faced with equanimity. Others, however, are of our own making, created by misunderstanding, and can be corrected...

Major Differences

Major Differences in Buddhism

Major Differences in Buddhism: There is no almighty God in Buddhism. There is no one to hand out rewards or punishments on a supposedly Judgement Day ...read more

My Reflection

My Reflection

This site is a tribute to Buddhism. Buddhism has given me a tremendous inspiration to be who and where I am today. Although I came to America at a very young age, however, I never once forget who I am and where I came from. One thing I know for sure is I was born as a Buddhist, live as a Buddhist and will leave this earth as a Buddhist. I do not believe in superstition. I only believe in karma.

A Handful of Leaves

A Handful of Leaves

Tipitaka: The pali canon (Readings in Theravada Buddhism). A vast body of literature in English translation the texts add up to several thousand printed pages. Most -- but not all -- of the Canon has already been published in English over the years. Although only a small fraction of these texts are available here at Access to Insight, this collection can nonetheless be a very good place to start.

Just the way it is

1. Accept everything just the way it is.
2. Do not seek pleasure for its own sake.
3. Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling.
4. Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.
5. Be detached from desire your whole life long.
6. Do not regret what you have done.
7. Never be jealous.
8. Never let yourself be saddened by a separation.
9. Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself nor... read more