By Zeenat Merchant Syal
Positive Provocations, May 26, 2012
When you selectively water and nurture your Positive seeds, your relationships glow with sunshine and rainbows.
In each one of us there are negative and positive seeds.
The negative seeds are of anger, hate, discrimination, jealousy.
The positive seeds are of joy, compassion, understanding and loving kindness.
The seeds that are watered regularly take roots and thrive.
For example, if a person spends a lot of time touching her seeds of anger, her life could be about how difficult her children are, or how miserable her scheming colleagues make her. Her seeds of anger will be strong enough to dictate what she thinks, how she relates to others, or how she works.
On the other hand, a person in touch with her seeds of joy will cultivate a rich harvest of nurturing relationships and deep, loving bonds. We, in turn, are constantly watering the seeds of people around us, with every look, word, expression and touch of ours. As parents, we tend to strengthen the positive or negative seeds of our children, quite unconsciously.
How Watering and Nurturing the Positive Seeds of your relationships can make them Glow
Mindfulness comes in handy here. It means being aware and awake to the present moment, being mindful of our own positive and negative seeds, and being mindful of what makes us water the negative seeds of people around us.
3 Healing Steps:
Step 1 – Watering the Flower: Express what you appreciate and admire about the other person. Make him/her aware of how much you value them. Shine light on their strengths and the amazing qualities they have. By doing so, we are watering and nurturing their positive seeds, which in turn nurture our relationship with them.
Step 2 – Genuine Apologizing: Share genuinely how you regret hurting him/her due to a certain lack of skillfulness in thoughts, speech and action. Make them aware that you are committed to bringing about changes that would enhance the relationship. This step helps to build trust and love between the two individuals.
Step 3 – Lovingly Expressing a hurt: Finally, with immense gentleness and loving kindness, talk about how the other person might have hurt you. Be careful that it does not become confrontational, or a blame game. Avoid vague, generalised statements. The focus is not on settling scores but on building deeper bonds. It is important to note that when one person is speaking, the other person must listen deeply. End this sharing with a warm and ‘loving hug’ to conclude this deeply emotional experience.
Living with compassion, mindfulness and joy in all our relationships can truly add the much needed glow to them. How then can Happiness not prevail. Isn’t this exactly what each of us is looking for?